Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I Have A Sign

I Have A Sign

I see what you’re trying to do there. You’re trying to get me to say something absurd like “Oh, you don’t have a sign” so that I can look totally foolish because you totally do have a sign and here’s the photographic evidence for it staring me in the face!

Well, I won’t fall for it, mister.

You do have a sign. Sort of.


Quantum is an inaccurate title for this section, but it’s catchier than “time is an illusion” which really doesn’t work at all without “lunchtime doubly so.” That would make for entirely too long a title.

In A Brief History of Time (greatest book ever), Stephen Hawking spends some time discussing the fact that we have no idea why we perceive time forward. Why not backward or perpendicular? Well, as your mom probably would have said if you’d asked her when you were three, because.

The simple fact is that time is probably an illusion. It’s a helpful illusion. Keeps us from ending up suddenly in some time when Earth wasn’t in the exact position that it is as you read this. You could end up floating in space with no air!

Recreational ignoring of this illusion leads to several interesting possibilities. Imagine all time was stacked on top of all other time and nothing really happened because it is simultaneously: in the process of happening and not happening.

This is pretty much the case already.

The percentage of ‘time’ in which you don’t exist greatly exceeds the percentage of time in which you do.

And the time in which you have that sign is somewhat less substantially exceeded by the time in which you exist but do not have that sign.

So, yes. You have the sign. Chances are good that you have lots of signs. But you also don’t. In fact, you mostly don’t. You also mostly don’t exist.

Other Thoughts

Just because you mostly don’t exist doesn’t mean I have no admiration. Most of the people I admire mostly don’t exist and I’m only saying ‘most’ instead of ‘all’ because I have no proof that I don’t admire any immortals.

Ignoring your hideous red shirt (careful if you ever find yourself in the Star Trek universe, dude), your sense of style is admirable.

Trenchcoat and that totally bitchin’ hat? Well-played, sir.

Maybe your shirt wouldn’t look so bad if it didn’t clash with the color of your sign. But I think gray and red are a generally inadvisable combination.

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