Friday, October 23, 2009

Florida Revelations

I've spent the past week in Florida. I had some revelations. I've tried to keep them entertaining. Enjoy. Or skip.

  • Being hundreds of miles away doesn’t stop your home douche bags from finding ways to douche things up at a distance. There should be a theory of douche efficiency. It may be critical to solving quantum physics. Possibly related to spooky action at a distance.
  • My phone’s battery can last indefinitely if the screen is off and it’s in airplane mode. Useful as an alarm clock. Pointless for anything else. But it does bring the battery life up to the advertised standard. Ha.
  • What inspired the TSA to harass my check-in luggage on the way back? There were six things in my check-in that might have inspired their obsession with my check-in. All six things were in it on the way there. Which one was it? My St. John's Wort, wireless mouse deprived of batteries, several CAT5 network cables, ibuprofen, leatherman rip-off, and shaving equipment.
  • Florida is pretty unwalkable even being in a different city than Miami.
  • Instead of doing a do-or-die attempt at the park-and-ride, I could show up in time for the previous bus and see where it stops so I know where to go to find it when my bus comes. I am really stoked about riding the bus.
  • If you are in a crowded walking area, do not block traffic. This is not my revelation, but it's possible it should be yours. Especially you, Mr. Having A Mac Entitles Me To Park My Ass PERPENDICULAR To The Traffic I Am Sitting In With My Mac Propped On An Over-sized “Carry-on” That Doubles As A Douche Bag Desk. I wish I had the chutzpah to take photos in U.S. airports so you could see exactly what I mean.
  • Many otherwise intimidating people are not as intimidating close up. However, if they're holding knives, be somewhere else. Previous sentence added for moron safety and not because of any actual events.
  • If your “What Evanescance Song Are You” quiz doesn’t have a Bauhaus option, count me out.
  • If your “Which Twilight Character Are You?” quiz doesn’t have a Buffy option, count me out.

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