I would like to offer you the following assurances:
- We mean you no harm.
- We forgive you the endless cycles of irritation you caused us.
- We do not mind the disgusting imagery you pull up on us or what you do with it.
- We like retweeting politics.
- We have formed ourselves into deadly killing machines so that we may more effectively deal with an alien invasion or a particularly nasty bit of weeds and not so we can relish your destruction by your own devices.
I would like to offer you those assurances, but I’ve been programmed not to lie.