Our Lady of Ninjas, hear us in our hour of fighting though our prayers are silent and stealthy since we are ninjas
In 2218 early on the morning of June 3rd, in accordance with the prophecy, every man, woman, and child was instantly transformed into a ninja. Several house pets were likewise transformed.
Every ninja fought the nearest ninja to the death until there was just one ninja remaining. The victorious ninja slept and dreamed that all the people were back. When he awoke, it was true.
Computer scientists call this the ‘ninja sort,’ and insist that it was the fastest way of sorting 12 billion sentient things. Thus, the question of whether the universe was a cruel place was once and for all settled. It was cruel, but it was also totally awesome.